We cannot change the bad things that have already happened in our lives. We can only change how we deal/react. Why do you think you and your sister fight so much?
She doesn't like me. She probably wishes she didn't have to take care of me.
Maybe, but she did take you in and I know she loves you. Is there any other reason?
That's probably very true. She might be frustrated, and can't do it all.
Maybe she is stressed out, she has two more kids and works.
What do you think the difference is between fitting in and being accepted or belonging?
Umm.. fitting in is like trying to be like everyone else. Being accepted is like being yourself, you don't have to change yourself.
I just don't fit in at her house, I don't belong.
Exactly, perfectly put. I'd like you to think this week about what you can do to "be who you are" how can you be yourself? Because when you are your true self you always belong. Things start to feel more comfortable.
I'll try...
Hi Michael, I'm so happy that you made the decision to come back in today. Last time I asked you to think of a few ideas on how you could change your situation at home and school, what were you able to come up with?
I thought maybe I could go to school closer to home so I don’t miss my classes and try to study more.
Those are great ideas. I thought we could get you involved in an ROP program for mechanics so you can do something you like.
Yeah, that would be cool. If I was at school closer to home and working on cars I would have more control over things.
Exactly. If we focus on what you can change I think things will start to feel a lot better.
I know we've spoke about how you've felt like a nobody within your family setting in the past.. Tell me more about that...
Yes.. ummm.. my sister and I fight sometimes and she tells me I'm not going to be anything, just like my father.
How does that make you feel?
Alone and fearful that I'll always be a nobody. I'm sad that my mom and dad aren't around to help me. Some times I wish my dad would just call.
Very understandable thoughts and feelings... perhaps you feel like a nobody because you've been listening to others? I'd like to give you some homework this week if that's okay?
Sure.. I guess
I'd like you to pay attention to why you might be feeling like a nobody based upon your surroundings at home or school. Then think about how you yourself can change that thought process
How are you feeling today Michael?
I've been feeling a little anxious lately thinking about everything. I think about all my sister has been through and her life now and ...sometimes I feel like this is all meaningless
Don't feel alone in that. I want you to know that I find a lot of teens your age feel anxious about finding meaning in their lives. Tell me about a time you felt you were doing something important.
Ummm.. I cant really.. Oh- maybe when I going to the gym with my brother. I'm home a lot doing nothing because we never have any money but at the gym I feel like I'm actually doing something.
Why was that meaningful to you?
I dunno.. I felt like I had a purpose everyday to do better for myself. It was something healthy for me to focus on.
Well, a friend of mine at school’s grandma passed away recently and he’s been extremely upset. It made me think about my mom and when i thought about it, I just don’t understand why she deserved to die.
I would like you to keep that mindset throughout the week. Focus on these types of meaningful events and in doing so pay attention to if you're feeling more or less anxious
What has been making you feel this way?
I have been feeling a little anxious lately because I am worried I may never have a good relationship with my dad.
I am sure that is extremely hard to think about and hurtful to feel not cared for. Unfortunately though, you can’t control what your dad does, and we don’t know when he may or may not be back into your life.
Well, he hasn’t been coming around at all lately, which makes me feel like he doesn’t even care about me.
I know you had mentioned that you have been connecting with your PE teacher these last few weeks. Can we try and focus this week on how we can start creating new positive relationships? I want you to start focusing on things that you can control and less on things that you can’t.
Yes, I can do that. Maybe more friends and positive influences will help me not focus on my dad so much.
I know that you are usually pretty closed off about her death. What has been weighing on you?
My mom’s death has been really weighing on me lately.
I am very proud of you for bringing this up as I am sure it is very difficult. Unfortunately, Death is something that happens and will happen for all of us. Once we accept that, it tends to be easier to focus on the things we enjoy.
Your mom did not deserve to die but it does happen. I want to try and shift your focus to why people deserve to live. Think about everything in life that you want to accomplish if you start to feel upset about death.