Emotion Management
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- Scene 1: External stimulus
- The cookie will have to wait until after dinner my girl, mommy will give you one after...
- I want cookie mommy...
- Scene 2: Physiological Response and Initial Response
- Carly!!!
- MOMMY NO!!!
- Is she really acting out on a 4 year old with her anger?
- Scene 3: "Feeling Rules"
- I know Dan, I should have handle that a lot better...
- Teresa, we promised each other we wouldn't repeat our parents mistakes...
- Carly, who is four years old, who just learned the word 'no' wants to eat cookies before dinner. Her mother Teresa disagrees. She insists Carly must wait until after dinner. Carly persists and does not give up and starts to cry and become fussy. Emotion management requires an external stimulus, and that is Carly. She is reacting to her mother telling her no, which is going to elicit an emotional response.
- Scene 4: Cultural script
- She is too young to understand, I will go about this differently this time.
- After four-year-old Carly is told the last no. She throws herself on the ground and begins to throw a huge tantrum. Her mother Teresa shows her frustration and is about to physically discipline Carly. As she raises her hand, her father Dan walks into the kitchen. He gives Teresa a stare, which makes her release her hand. This frustration is known as the initial response of emotion management.
- Scene 5: Modified Emotional Response
- I'm sorry baby. Mommy will try buy another one soon. I love you.
- After Carly realizes what was about to happen, she runs into the living room and plays with her toys. Dan brings Teresa to the side and they have a discussion about how that situation could have been handled better. He tells Teresa that was not appropriate for a toddler, Teresa agrees. She says her emotional response was outdated and is how her mother reacted to her back in the '80s for misbehaving. This emotional reaction was based on Teresas "feeling rules" of which she should handle her emotions to which she felt was appropriate for that situation.
- Scene 6: Conclusion
- I just could not believe I ever thought that was okay, I am glad I changed the cycle.
- Mommy watch how fast I can go!
- A couple of days later, Carly starts acting out again over a toy she no longer has. Her mother experiences the initial emotion of frustration again. But this time, she takes a deep breath and thinks to herself. She sees Carly as this young four-year-old in such a little body with so much emotion, she soon realizes that she is managing her emotions in her own way as well. As the parent, she realizes physical disciple is a short-term emotional reaction of hers. The cultural script was different 30 years ago. She decides to take a different approach towards Carly.
- Mommy, but I want that one!
- As for Teresa, the cultural script of society in the '80s, it was okay to physically disciple your children. After many studies, it showed tremendous trauma in children. So the societal standard of discipline changed. However, Teresa chooses today to not repeat the cycle of physical discipline and change the cultural script. She uses words of reassurance instead and hugs Carly. This is her modified emotional response, Teresa still being frustrated, she acts accordingly to the new cultural script.
- Mommy it was my favorite toy ever. It's gone forever...
- Based on Teresas parenting changes, she has seen a huge change in Carly's behavior. Instead of being afraid of her mother, she now runs to her mom for comfort in times of distress. Dan is happy to see such a huge improvement in their family dynamic and he is proud of Teresa for changing the cycle to a more healthy one. Teresa showed a huge improvement in her emotion management skills and her family is happier because of it.
- I'm watching baby!
- I know it was hard, but I am so proud of you.
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