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- Are you tired of spilling your beverage all over yourself on that luscious date with your lover? Do you want to have more control when consuming your favorite drink?
- Did your elderly relative accidentally kick the bucket by slipping on YOUR spilled drink? Want to potentially prevent DEATH?
- Do not fret, as we have just the product for you! Introducing the Freezer! (patent pending)
- It's easy! Just open the top compartment of your local freezer and throw your contained beverage right in there, then wait!
- Within just a few hours, your beverage should be as solid as a brick! No more spills, no more slipping, and no more dead relatives!.... Hopefully! Cheerfully lick away at your beverage brick, knowing that you're getting the exact same flavor at a safer cost!
- GET YOUR FREEZER TODAY! IF YOU CALL NOW AND APPLY, YOU'LL BE ELIGIBLE FOR A 0.05% DISCOUNT! BUY ONE AND GET ANOTHER ONE AT EXACTLY THE SAME PRICE!
- disclaimer: please for the love of god stop throwing the beverage bricks at people's heads, our company is facing closure
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