The Ransom of Red Chief
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- Philoprogenitiveness, says we, is strong in semi-rural communities; therefore, and for other reasons, a kidnapping project ought to do better there than in the radius of newspapers that send reporters out in plain clothes to stir up talk about such things.
- We selected for our victim the only child of a prominent citizen named Ebenezer Dorset.
- Hey! little boy! Would you like to have a bag of candy and a nice ride?
- I like this fine. I never camped out before; but I had a pet possum once, and I was 9 last birthday. I hate to go to school. Rats ate up sixteen of Jimmy Tablot's aunt's speckled hen's eggs...
- I ain't attempting to decry the celebrated moral aspect of parental attention, but we're dealing with humans, and it ain't human for anybody to give up 2000 dollars for that 40 lb chunk of freckled wildcat. I'm willing to take a chance at 15 hundred dollars. You can charge the difference up to me
- Two Desperate Men;Gentlemen, I received your letter today by post, in regard to the ransom you ask for the return pf my son. I think you are a little high in your demands, and I hereby make you a counterproposition, which I am inclined to believe you will accept. You bring Johnny home and pay me 250 dollars in cash, and I agree to take him off your hands. You had better come at night, for the neighbors believe he is lost, and I couldn't be responsible for what they would do to anybody they saw bringing him back. Very responsibly, Ebeneser Dorset.
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