The Cheeseman
Kuvakäsikirjoitus Kuvaus
Christmas 2020
Kuvakäsikirjoitus Teksti
- Javascript...API...PR...React...GitHub...Front End...blah blah, smarty pants coding stuff.
- How am I supposed to know? I was too busy thinking about cheese.
- Did that update get pushed live?
- But, all I ever want is cheese!
- I don't like cheese.
- Josh started out as a simple software engineer. He was a whiz at coding, but it wasn't until "the cheese" that he became truly "super."
- I can't wait to spend hours sampling cheeses!
- The Cheese Lady
- Josh was a cheese fanatic. It was his kryptonite and had even gotten him in trouble on more than one occasion.
- Try my cheesy cheese! Try -my-cheesy cheese!
- It had even had a negative affect on his dating life.
- Little did he know that his weakness for cheese would eventually pave his way to greatness. One day, Josh went to visit his favorite store owned by “the cheese lady.” (He’d never bothered to learn her name.)
- She's a deuced fine girl without a bit of nonsense about her!
- The cheese lady was actually a mad scientist. (The cheese thing was just a hobby). She wanted to test out one of her experiments on someone so she chose her most loyal customer, Josh.
- Hey, are you busy tonight?
- Josh could never resist free samples, so of course he downed the cheese lady’s proffered sample, despite its disconcerting neon green color.
- Cool! Do you want to go get pie shakes with me?
- On his way home from the store, Josh stopped at the library where he browsed the fantasy and sci-fi sections, and stole glances at the cute brunette who was there without fail every Saturday, typing furiously away at her laptop.
- However, the one time he'd tried to ask her out, it had been a bit of a disaster.
- No, not really. I think I'm totally free.
- He took the plunge...
- Oh. Actually, I forgot, I am busy. Like super busy. Sorry.
- Um...what? Does she hate pie shakes? So confused...
- There are too many people on this planet. We need an new plague!
- And was coldly shot down...
- Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time..
- Poor guy.
- He was sure they'd hit it off if she only gave him a chance. After all, they felt the same way about crowds.
- This, this cannot be cheese!
- After the library, Josh went home. He played a few rounds of video game pinball, solved a handful of nonograms, watched an episode of a superior TV comedy, ate a huge bowl of Chex mix, & went to bed.
- That's pretty neat! Eh?
- As usual, Josh was asleep in .5 seconds. When he awoke, his room was still dark. However, when he put on his glasses, he noticed a strange green glow emitting from...himself!
- Poop is raining from the ceiling! Poop!
- When Josh returned to confront the cheese lady (he had no doubt her weird cheese was to blame for his new freakishness), she was delighted.
- She explained that the cheese included chemicals to enhance a person’s talents to an incredible degree. She was (pretty) sure the green glow was only temporary and would wear off.
- Josh went to work wearing a mask in an effort to disguise his weird greenish glow. When he arrived, he found the office in chaos.
- And then everyone died.
- What the H-E-L-L double hockey sticks is going on??
- Who's this sorry-Charlie? Who's this sad sack of potatoes?
- I'm not sure what's scarier, that code quality or his face! His face. It's bad.
- JK. Josh stopped a co-worker to ask what was going on. The hysterical man answered that monsters were coming out of the computers.
- Shoot dang.
- Frankly, Josh thought that explanation sounded like a load of old poo.
- This is the way.
- Then, suddenly, a creature made of code (Josh noticed it was pretty garbage code) was running towards him!
- NOOO! My treasures!
- What!? That's just garbage!
- Josh quickly took a defensive stance, but when the creature collided with him, it exploded. Instantly, inexplicably, Josh knew what to do.
- What're you playing at Chad?
- He reached out in front of him and gathered up the code in his hands. Then, using a pushing motion, he shoved the code towards a computer in the back of the room. The computer absorbed the code.
- This is a sick world we're livin' in, sick people! Also, you're green. Did you know?
- Josh ran around the office, banishing the bad code monsters back into the computers. When he finally had time to stop and catch his breath, Josh heard a familiar voice. It was Chad.
- You've always hated my code!
- Chad was the sloppiest engineer in the office, and possibly the world. His code was such a mess, the only word for it was “monstrous.”
- Chad explained that he was going to use the code creatures to make the world a better place. The world was a mess and he would bring order and peace!
- Josh couldn’t believe his ears. There was simply no way that bad code could improve anything at all.
- I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and I think it's terrible.
- Image Attributions:3928854 (https://www.pexels.com/photo/food-on-a-plate-3928854/) - Abhishek Mahajan - License: Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed4109950 (https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-sliced-cheese-on-spatula-4109950/) - Polina Tankilevitch - License: Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed965345 (https://www.pexels.com/photo/designer-monitor-screen-concept-965345/) - Markus Spiske - License: Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed
Kuva Tekijän
- 3928854 - Abhishek Mahajan - (Lisenssi Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed )
- 4109950 - Polina Tankilevitch - (Lisenssi Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed )
- 965345 - Markus Spiske - (Lisenssi Free To Use / No Attribution Required / See https://www.pexels.com/license/ for what is not allowed )
Yli 30 miljoonaa kuvakäsikirjoitusta luotu