Our Treasure
Текст на Статията
- Strength Based Marriage
- Healthy marriages and sex lives are kept vibrant by maintaining our individual uniqueness. Your strengths are a healthy way to differentiate yourselves, celebrate differences.
- See each other through the lens of what is best. Your talents and inherent strengths are incredibly unique. Encourage one another using the top five inherent traits of each of you. Become your spouses talent scout and decide to breath life into helping them into the fullness of who and what they are designed by god to be.
- Humans deepest need is union of life with another.
- Marriage is Our Treasure Mathew 6:21: for where your treasure is there you heart will be also.
- Traits that are fundamental to keep your treasure: 1. Cherishing your spouse: keep reminders of good memory and celebrate milestones. 2. Nourish your spouse by using their love language and supplement weaknesses encouraging one another daily. 3. Maintain a lifelong commitment. Recognize the value of your relationship. 4. Spend enjoyable time together which is balanced between togetherness and independance. Develop meaningful traditions. Schedule regular time together. 5. Be Community minded and actively involved in church. Regularly connect with other couples. 6. Honoring Actions: choose a gentle tone of voice and touch. Avoid sudden changes with a discussion and allowing your spouse the chance to agree and adjust. Invest money in making your spouse attractive. We like surprise cards or flowers. Speak words of affirmation that give life. 7. Servants Spirit: "I get to do this for my spouse". 8. Set aside time daily to sit and talk. 9. Make the decision to love by actively taking responsibility to provide romance by providing an unspoken need or a spoken need of your spouse.
- We agree to invest the best of our time, energy and strength to our marriage.
- The Bible holds these values in high esteem. 1. Love of God 2. Love of Spouse 3. Honesty 4. Faithfulness and Commitment 5. Compassion and Forgiveness 6. Holiness Stand against anything in you or your spouse that would destroy these values. Do everything you can to increase the presence of these things. Give money, time, energy, focus to developing the love of God and each other. Promoting and Protecting these will not fail you in the end.
- Own responsibility for your feelings, though, behaviors and attitudes
- Owning our feelings is the key to responsible living.
- Critical thinking, condemning thoughts about self or others is clearly unbiblical. Romans 8:1: there is no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus.
- Commitment
- To commit to someone means that you will be there and stay even when things are difficult. The problem is a runner cannot see the finish line in the middle of a marathon and the commitment to finish is what keeps them in the race. A relationship must go through some deep surgery to get better. If the patient leaves during bypass surgery they die. Commitment keeps the patient on the table until the surgery is finished. If leaving is an option then why go through the pain. Commitment provides the security necessary for growth. Without commitment avoidance is often the easier way out. In life commitment provides the time, structure and security needed for change to take place. Hanging in there and going through necessary changes brings great rewards.
- The Law of Love; Grace
- Don't Play Fair If I make a mistake I want you to show me, help me don’t get back at me. If I do something wrong, I need for you to rise above it and show me and be a force to get us on the right track, not to cause the situation to deteriorate into getting even. Help raise me up, don’t drag me down. Rise above the other person having to be the mature one and remain mature even when they are not. Do not play fair, if one person does good so will I. We do not need the other person to be loving in order for us to love them or to behave maturely in order for us to behave maturely toward them. Codependancy and enabling are bad, destructive things. The goal would be to bring up the person to the level you are, don’t go down to a lesser level. Be a redemptive force carrying a good infection wherever they go, infusing relationships with health and changing things for the better. Give back better than what you are given. Get Rid of your anger by approaching the person in love and face the issue at hand. The mature person will ask, how can I turn this around, how can I help, what does this person need, what could get this person to a better place? For example saying “I love you and I want the best for us. But I can’t talk to you without it turning into a fight. I want to beable to do that but until we can do it, I want us to discuss the issue with a counselor present. It seems that this pattern is not getting better, can you see that, how can I help.” When you are a full person you can do what is needed in difficult relationships to make it better. Successful people see life as a place to give and a by product of giving is getting something back in return. Become responsible for what you need and maintaining your own emotional health so that the other person cannot drag you into the gutter. Sometimes love means giving a person loving consequences. A response to criticism would be, seems like you are really frustrated that I am not meeting your expectations. Sorry that its so hard for you. Avoid sowing more bad behavior into the relationship it is self defeating.
- Hate Well
- Hate is the The Immune System for the Soul responding to an invader. Hate in a way that solve problems as opposed to creating them. Successful people do not use hatred in a way that hurts things they care about, such as people or themselves. It is a disease of the soul and life not to hate well. Successful people move against the problem and show love and respect to the person at the same time. Hate moves to destroy bad things which are often things that threaten good. When we hate the evil around us, we move to get rid of it as an act of love. Hate benefits us by protecting what we value. In the same way your immune system hates infection, the hate within your character identifies things in your life that are evil. This system in our souls is designed to protect the good and destroy the bad. Our hate should preserve life. Confronting what we hate instead as a problem to be talked about and solved instead of attacking and destroying the very things we care about. The more we criticize, the more people withdraw and resist. Focus on the problem and how to solve it. Be redemptive force in dealing with problems instead of causing more pain than resolving it. This is how the immune system of your soul works in a healthy way. Hate turned outward can destroy relationships and careers. Subjective hatred can be from a character problem in which a person’s desire to control or dominate produces strong feelings of hatred thwarted. Subjective hatred blasts other people, causes overreactions, dissensions, inability to resolve conflict, broken relationships and many other relational diseases. Subjective hate runs counter to the goals of those who carry it around. As a result they cannot succeed in love or life because subjective hatred is working against their best efforts to make good things happen. Turn Subjective Hate in Objective Hate; the kind of hate that solves problems, protects things you value and stands against the things that you do not want in your life. Take rage out of the equation. A respectful, kind yet firm attitude. Go hard on the issue and soft on the person. Successful people bring order to chaos and resolution to difficult situations. Figure out where your subjective hatred comes from, put a name to it, a face to it, a time to it. Sometimes we have to realize tht the pool of disdain we carry around is not caused solely by what is happening in the present. Name the time and the incidents your parents let you down. After working through all of those feelings one can see specifically the values that are objectively important to them. Examples are; dependability, faithfulness, follow through and trustworthiness, love of people, the feelings of others, respect. Small offenses do not require a declaration of war but if we do not identify and communicate what we value in an objective way with respect and love we destroy.
- Humility
- Humility is concerned about what is right, pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is not having to be than you are. Assume you do not know it all and have something to learn in each new situation. Humility identifies with others. Even very successful people go through loss, failure and crisis. Failures and losses are opportunities to learn from them and unite them with your strengths and make it all work out. People who win in life do not condemn themselves for failure they accept it, learn from it and this motivaes them to do better. Self condifence and belief in yourself comes from accepting flaws and mistakes and realizing that you can go forward and grow past them and that you can learn from them. The humble person has their feet on the ground, not in la la land. Humble people are firmly planted in reality. Successful people know their weaknesses and do not believe they are perfect people. Admit quickly when you are wrong and receive correction from others well. Feedback from a person of wisdom in that area is always a gift. A defensive person or prideful spirit resisits correction, makes bad relationships and is unable to grow past failure because they close themselves off to the information that would help them. Humility is giving up thinking that we have to do it well all of the time.
- Stability
- Positive warm interactions show the warmth of a persons heart and fosters consistent love and physical passion. Our needs and wants should be consistent so that expectations from each other stay consistent. If a need or want changes then the person who wants the change has to communicate this and reach an enthusiastic agreement on the change. Routines in the household and who is responsible for household tasks need to be developed. We can help each other voluntarily or with a request. Routines at bedtime to be together without tv to make love, talk, read, pray. Routine in the morning to read Gods Word, pray and meditate. Routine to select 30min a week to go over bills, pay bills and withdraw money for church and allowances. A household budget needs to be established to include an ER fund, Retirement Planning, education or growth fund and spending money. No credit cards are to be used. Make good financial decisions. Keep our lives free from unnecessary drama. Make good decisions about health and well being.
- What God Does
- No relationship can be found without struggle and all of them need to negotiate to solve problems. Even when the sins of the two are the worst known to man. We need to become facilitators of healing. God did not move away from his unsafe relationships, he moved toward them. Do we keep our relationship or move on? We cry the same cry as God when our expectations were not met by each other, "you have hurt me" (Ezekiel 6:9). We are torn with feelings of revenge, fowe can try what God does. 1. Start from a loving position. 2. Act Righteously: do what's right 3. Use the community to transform us 4. Accept reality and forgive 5. Give Change a chance6. Be long suffering
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