Sad Crush Chronicles / An Introduction / Cast of Characters, Part I
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- FUN FACT: Best friends with Robbie!
- This is Russ. Russ is a Scorpio, and therefore hot, but extremely dangerous. Russ played me like he plays his precious drums, but I am so attracted to him that I often forget to hate him. Best line: I made a joke about how a mistake humanized me, and he said, "I did think you were pretty perfect."
- FUN FACT: Best friends with Russ!
- This is Robbie. Robbie is a Virgo, which means we are the same sign and therefore too similar. Robbie is a textbook sadboy and the first guy I ever truly fell for, but after a very short-lived reciprocation, he became my weird, semi-problematic but ultimately supportive kind-of-best-friend. Best line: A few days after we met, he said, "I have feelings for you and I barely know you and it scares me."
- This is Marshall. Marshall is a Scorpio (ugh, again). We bonded over our mutual blackness/political activism and quick sense of humor, but alas, Marshall, despite asking me on a date in a very public fashion, came out as gay within six months. We're cool, but I'm still smarting from that one. Best line: "You're always talking about white boys when you know I took a number a long time ago."
- FUN FACT: We have eerily similar taste in guys.
- FUN FACT: No. Nothing about this tool is fun.
- This is Colin. Colin is a Sagittarius, another sign with whom I have an unfortunate history--proven ditchers. Colin may actually be Satan. Recently learned that he defended rapists by saying "sexual assault is just their vice, everyone has one." Had a brief crush on him when we first met in a class, but quickly learned he is to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. Best line: "Can I get your number? I really enjoy talking to you."
- FUN FACT: His best friend and my best friend dated on and off for 2 years.
- This is Louis. Louis is an Aries (the first but not the last), but I've never met a less fiery and confrontational Aries than him. I spent my junior year of high school pining for him & his peacoats & his love of jazz. He asked a popular girl in my class to go to his senior prom, and that was the death knell of my silent crush, all those evenings in his car listening to acoustic versions of Maroon 5 songs down the drain. Best line: unspoken, but he told me to read an article about how dating a girl who reads will ruin your life (in a good way). All we ever talked about was books.
- FUN FACT: Gil is one of the only boys in the Chronicles who still doesn't know I ever liked him!
- This is Gil. Gil is a Virgo, but all we had in common was how much we loved Gil. Another high school crush, this time a total cliche: football player who flirted with me so I would help him with his homework. He had so many girlfriends, all of whom were pretty, white, and mean to him. Best line: can't quote word for word, but his yearbook signature when we were juniors was pretty great.
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